Heather Harrison
Confidence Within
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What are you waiting for?

2/6/2014

 
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I really enjoyed facilitating my Confidence Within workshop in Cookham last Saturday.  One of the key take-aways was a n action plan, with our own commitments to act on some of the things that we need to to do build our own confidence.  
We discussed how confidence can be defined as the ability to take appropriate and effective action despite any fears and anxieties which might exist.  Tolerance of that anxiety, as well as a freedom from identification with the outcome, are what separates truly confident people from those less confident.  If you judge yourself positively for the effort you've made, and for going for it, it's somehow less scary to take action than if you judge yourself positively only when outcomes are perfectly as you desire.

For those who couldn't make it along to the workshop, here are some simple actions that you can integrate into your daily life to help boost your own confidence.

  1. Use an app like Happier on your smartphone or keep a gratitude journal to give yourself credit for what you did today.  Being grateful for what we have creates a feeling of being lucky and fortunate, which in turn, help you feel more confident about trying new things
  2. Find some uplifting music to play before you leave home, or on your way to activities when you need to feel fully confident.  I love the song Summerblink by the Cocteau Twins for the lyrics "I'm accepting myself as I really am", "I'm doing a fine job", and I hope you like it (youtube video below).  The soaring sounds of Sigur Ros' Hoppipolla were a hit on Saturday.
  3. Treat yourself.  Why not check out my inspiration page and buy one of the books I've recommended.  Or, just give yourself time to take a bubble bath, or do something else for yourself.  Because you're worth it. Confidence starts by accepting that.
  4. Create some confidence affirmations and make time to say them to yourself regularly.  (You'll find books on this topic on the inspiration page if you need more information.
  5. Get some exercise.  Whether it's 5 minutes of insane dancing to your favourite upbeat track in the comfort of your own living room, or taking a regular country-side walk, anything that gets your blood pumping and raises your heart rate will boost the hormones that help you feel confident.  And you may even find that longer term, the physical changes that happen as a result of exercise make you feel more confident too.


We came up with many more on the day.  And I'm sure the participants created meaningful, personal actions too.  Why not take the time to create your own confidence action plan and start working on it today.

    If you'd like to join a Confidence Within workshop in the future, please let me know.

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What's holding you back?

22/4/2014

 
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You could do anything.  But something stops you.  
You know you have skills.  You know you have talent.  You've achieved things in the past.  
But now...  now...  
Something is holding you back.
You.
That something is you.  
You've asked yourself, "What will people think?" 
You've wondered, "What if I fail?"
You've listened to your critics.  And the loudest one is inside your own head.  Perhaps it's a voice from your childhood telling you that you're ordinary.  Perhaps your own voice has been telling you that for many years, so that you don't have to risk, you don't have to try, and can lazily accept "an ordinary life".  

But what if that voice is wrong?  What if you really are a unique bundle of skills, talents and emotions?  What if the world is just waiting for you to become your best you to present you with what you truly deserve?  How can you break through the fear barrier and develop more confidence in yourself?

As Nike would say, "Just do it". But sometimes we need help.  A catalyst.

One-to-one coaching could be what you need, or perhaps just a long chat with a friend who will push you to be what they know you can be.  
Attending a group workshop  gives you a safe space to tell others what you're afraid of.  And to meet some people who can become an informal "action learning" group, as you support each other beyond the workshop. 

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The most important thing is to take the first step.  To "boldly go" where you've never gone before.  So what if you try it and fail?  There are very few situations where this will matter any more than a few days from now. (Okay, I presume we're not talking about climbing Everest single-handed, here).
So, here is your homework assignment:  

Before you go to bed tonight, write down the area of life where you'd like more confidence (eg better presentations at work).  Then, say aloud 10 times an affirmation which takes you in the right direction.  (eg "I'm working hard to give great presentations at work").  Giving yourself permission to do well, and giving yourself credit for the effort your making can make a huge difference to how you feel.

And, if you still need more help, our workshop on May 31st, or 1-1 coaching sessions are here to take your confidence to the next level.  Who could you be if you believed in yourself?  You owe it to yourself to find out.

Moving Forward with Confidence

31/3/2014

 
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours
–Henry David Thoreau:  American author, poet, philosopher (1817-1862)
A friend asked recently, "How do you know when you're quitting versus just realising that you were going in the wrong direction?"
The simple answer is, only you can tell.  Your heart/soul/spirit/conscience will tell you.  When I quit my well-paid, secure, managerial role with company car, pension, bonus and other perks, I wondered, "Am I a quitter?"   Certainly, to many it seemed like I was turning my back on "a good thing".  I'd negotiated a 4-day week, I had staff reporting to me, I could work from home one day most weeks. 
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But there was a voice gnawing away at me.  I'd feel inauthentic all day long, and when I allowed myself to be authentic, my frustration with corporate politics, inefficiency and committee decision making shone through for all to see. They didn't like it. 
The fact was, I'd already "quit" in my head.  My work didn't make me happy, and worse, it didn't allow me much time, energy or space to be happy when I wasn't working, because I was too busying worrying about the hundred emails I'd left unanswered, the ominous "call me back" voicemail on my phone, or the 50 page PowerPoint document that was on edit round 3 and still not finished.  So, I'd checked out.  It wasn't a conscious decision.  My body started to let me down.

I lost my voice before an important teleconference.  I'd feel nauseous in the morning and had frequent migraines that left me pinned to my bed.  My blood pressure went through the roof.  Enough was enough.  It was time to do something.  So, I cashed in my chips and walked confidently in the direction of my dreams.  

It was scary.  It was financially crazy.  It was weird.  It shocked people.  I didn't have another job to go to.  I didn't have a clear view of what shape my career would take, or how I would earn my living, but I knew that if I carried on doing what I was doing, I'd be unlikely to have the chance to do the things I loved in my retirement.  But I dreamed of a different life.  Being able to travel, to experiment, to experience new things, to be open to whatever inspired me - this excited me.  
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I was lucky.  Having had a relatively successful career, I had managed to save some cash and some stock options, so I didn't have to worry straight away.  I'd also made sensible choices and didn't have a huge mortgage or car payment. I couldn't  retire, but finally, I had the luxury of some time, and I intended to use it.
 I signed up for Wine School.  I planned numerous dance trips. I went back to yoga classes.  I went on holidays to placed that had previously only lived in my imagination.
And I floated.  I went where life took me.  My only rule was that I would not look back with regret.  Whatever the future held, it had to be better.  

It has been.  I've explored several dreams, fulfilled a few lifelong ambitions, and feel happier and more confident than ever before.  Sure, I'm still not earning anything like the amount I used to earn. Many months I didn't earn anything at all.  Yet, still people told me that I was inspiring.  I was brave.  
I started to believe them.  Maybe "quitting" was about discovering who I really was, and what I could be for myself, and for other people.  

Helping people to feel more confident, coaching friends and strangers, giving others permission to be as awesome as they choose to be has given me the most pleasure over the last year.  So, I'm confidently taking it forward.  Watch this space for news, events and inspiration.  
Thanks for reading.

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    Heather's thoughts and musings on the topic of confidence

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